Where does the feeling of abandonment come from? The feeling of abandonment can come from the loss of love or the loss of connection. Sometimes abandonment involves the break-up of a marriage, betrayal in a relationship, the death of a spouse or parent, or loneliness when children leave home. Abandonment can be felt immediately or even years after a traumatic event. People would describe abandonment differently. Abandonment can even be the fear of the future and can get in the way of the development of new relationships. It’s not unusual that we sabotage ourselves and take on unhealthy habits – overeating, drinking or drugs. Abandonment can have physical effects – a knot in the pit of the stomach that makes it difficult to breathe or anxiety in a heart that feels like it could explode. We must take our abandonment to God, and ask him to show us the blessing in our suffering. “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” Romans 8:28 (NLT).
There can be a feeling that the loss of relationship is a threat to our survival. Abandonment issues can even cause one to think crazy thoughts. Some people fantasize about their death – dwelling upon how their lost partner might feel. Obsessive thinking and reliving past memories becomes a favorite pastime.
James 1: 2-8 tells us to expect adversity, in fact to enjoy the trials in our lives. If we want to understand what is happening, then we should ask God. Although he may not reveal to us his reason, he will not be upset that we ask. God wants us to come in prayer to him, and not waiver in our trust. If we humble ourselves before God, he will give us grace; but we must make sure that we come with a pure heart, one that is consistently faithful. If we come with a divided mind and soul, and our hearts are not pure, we will not receive the comfort that we need.
How do we heal our feeling of abandonment? There are several things that we can do. First, we need to stay present in the moment and not allow our thinking to get focused on the past. Second, we need to work on our self-esteem, accepting what has happened and set new goals in alignment with God’s purpose for our lives. And last, we need to focus on our blessings, what we do have, not on what we lost or what could have been. How we think and what we think about determines our actions and who we become. With God’s help, we can leave adversity behind us through healing our feeling of abandonment. “So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help” Isaiah 30:18 (NLT).
